Me, Myself, and Why?


One of the core tenets of Buddhist belief is rooted in the notion that attachment leads to suffering, and through the release of attachment, we are able to connect deeper to our own “Buddha nature” on the path to achieving enlightenment.

Living in the “material world”, this is not such an easy feat to accomplish.

Capitalism has quite literally been designed for the strong to trample the weak, “colleagues” as casualties on the road to riches, “friends” as collateral. Divide and conquer with currency as the current, which propels desire forward.

Traditional relationship structures (ie: monogamy, marriage, house, kids, dog, white picket fence type-of-stuff) have been programmed into the subconscious mind of many-a-Millenial with the Disney princess dilemma deluding us to believe that “someday our Prince or Princess will come”, and that we are only saved when someone else saves us.

Attachment to people, goals, things, ideas, money, concepts, identity (READ: The Dangers of Identity Politics) - are all endemic to the capitalist system, which feeds and thrives on tethering people to their suffering. Even the “spiritual”/”mystical” realms are riddled with spiritual materialism and toxic elitism.

All while those who suffer have no idea that they are stuck in an inorganic echo chamber.

In my own journey, something I’ve promised to commit to regarding what I share, create and cultivate publicly is transparency, and authenticity. I am far from perfect, I am far from enlightened, I am far from an ascended master. I don’t identify as a “witch”, and relate more to Eleven than Sabrina. Although occult realities have been entangled in my life’s course, they haven’t always made sense, and synchronicity hasn’t always lead me to make the “right” choice or to react the “right” way. I’ve f*cked up more times than I can count. I’ve learned my greatest lessons in the moments I’ve discovered how not to be, or how not to react. My neuroses can be crippling at times, although working with ayahuasca, and meditation, has greatly assisted in helping them get better. Intuition has been the greatest gift on this path, but deciphering “revelation” isn’t always fun, easy, or filled with puppies, kitties, rainbow-light, and red-bottom shoes. My own attachments have lead to obscured vision, and moments of regretful anger, and the very notion of “my, mine, and me” has kicked “my” ass greatly. Last year, being a year of major cosmic ass-kicking, especially when I had a massive falling out with two of my former best friends, over attachment to “ownership” and ideas.

But, I digress…

The other night I had an intense, close-to-lucid dream, which has stuck with me ever since, and pushed me to write this blog to share with you all.

Although AM amnesia didn’t allow most of the more visually-centered memories to stick, the lesson, and the words that echoed through the astral plane, felt useful to share.

“Try to spend a week without using the words ‘me’ or ‘mine’.”

Contemplating Buddhism, attachment, capitalism, and the containers/constructs of suffering in the “matrix”, the words in this dream have left a lasting impression.

Pondering on why we (including “me”) all feel so attached to ownership, and the very notion of “mine” is a meditation worth spending time on. To get through a sentence, let alone a day, or week, without saying “mine”, or “me”, perhaps is an exercise necessary to identify the attachments to “identity “ and how restructuring our language around the way we speak of things, and speak to things, may allow new consciousness to emerge as we purge the capitalist construct, and merge with a space of more collaborative evolution…dare I say co-creation (although that word has become a bit cringe-worthy as of late)?

The late visionary philosopher, Jiddu Krishnamurti, so eloquently wrote a series of passages on “nothingness”, and how identity leads to division, and violence in the sense of destructive action…

“You are nothing. You may have your name and title, your property and bank account, you may have power and be famous; but in spite of all these safeguards, you are as nothing. You may be totally unaware of this emptiness, this nothingness, or you may simply not want to be aware of it; but it is there, do what you will to avoid it.

“You may try to escape from it in devious ways, through personal or collective violence, through individual or collective worship, through knowledge or amusement; but whether you are asleep or awake, it is always there”

“If we are able to face that emptiness, to be with that aching loneliness, then fear altogether disappears, and a fundamental transformation takes place. For this to happen, there must be the experiencing of that nothingness — which is prevented if there is an experiencer.” 

“Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because there is fear. So violence isn’t merely organized butchery in the name of God, in the name of society or country.

“Violence is much more subtle, much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence.

“When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of mankind.

“When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding of mankind.” 

- Jiddu Krishnamurti

Although the notion of releasing attachment may feel a little extreme, and I’m sure the idea may even evoke a visceral or dismissive reaction, I’d love for you to sit with (and in) the nothingness for a moment, and attempt to release feelings of subject/object.

I will sit in this nothingness with you too, and do what I can to emerge with new understanding.

While enlightenment may be an elusive goal to achieve, living in light, metaphorically speaking, may help illuminate and dissolve some of the darkness and densities that exist in the Age of Trump. Ease to suffering perhaps can be found in the space where we are connected to everything, but attached to no-thing.